If you know anything about my past you know it wasn’t easy I worked very hard to get here. And anything that has gone wrong I always blame on all the mistakes I made and choices I have made. I never thought that on top of being a single mother I would be raising a autistic child.
After all the bad days, almost giving up’s, tears, losing my mind kind of days….. the answers have came into effect in my life.After a long year of dramatic events and drastic changes and people telling me my way of parenting wasn’t working. I decided to find some answers I went to counselors, physiatrists, and by golly even a child philologist and hearing the same things thrown my way. (OCD, ODD, ADHD, ADD,BI-POLAR, HIGH ANXIETY) After hearing this enough I was fed up he’s four years old he doesn’t need to be medicated he doesn’t need to be label a mental case period. I got him assessed and screened for autism not even thinking maybe there was any chance but after all the heartache of hearing all the things I didn’t want to hear what else did I have to lose? He scored a 93 out of 100 and then having more screening done it was confirmed my 4 year old baby boy had Asperger’s Syndrome. It’s very overwhelming to be told this out of shock it took me a while to deal with. No one ever wants to hear their child is different and them having to be labeled in school or everything they do.
I am so lucky going to college and working full time I have the support I do for him because honestly some days I don’t know how I do it. The days run into each other sometimes… I want to give up, I want to cry, I don’t know where to go from where I am. Then there are days I sit and watch him put together a 6+ memory game and him telling me something I never even knew. Nothing can explain what it is like raising a child like this. Most days I can’t keep up with him mentally emotionally or physically but more times I find myself with good experiences or lessons.
I wake up every day on strict schedule trying to make him have a good day because something any sort of a change he becomes uneasy. He reminds me of things I say three or four days ago that I obviously forget….
And the one thing that still amazes me is that he remembers every face and name that he meets.He tells the man behind us in McDonald’s that I’m not wearing under wear because I forgot to do laundry the night before. If someone asks him his name he tells them his name and his life story how many birthdays he has and every single person in his family. He has no social boundaries he will give the saddest old lady a hug in hopes to bring a smile to her face. Grabs a hand of any guy to bring him to show him something he discovered. He would climb on anyone and I mean anyone’s lap so they will tell him a story. He wants to play things his way and he would rather play be himself than with others his age. He rather play with adults than children. But all these things make me smile because he is not like any other 4 year old I know.
He asks people why they are bigger because he doesn’t understand that it isn’t ok and it can be quite embarrassing but luckily he hasn’t offended anyone yet just makes them laugh. He is curious about anything and everything. He gets his mind set on something and it will be his interest for quite awhile. He always tells me if something looks bad, sometimes he tells me if my breathe smells bad or if the music is too loud. Sometimes he rips his sheets off the bed because he doesn’t like the way they feel. He goes through more clothes than I do. Everything has to be in colors, order, lined up, or in groups. But all of this is stuff I am use to I wouldn’t have it any other way. Being that I do this mostly alone besides when I am at work and I have help with care of him while I’m gone or when he is with his dad twice a week I couldn’t imagine doing it with the help of someone. As I get older I find myself feeling more likely to be alone because I don’t want any sense of change in my life or Keegan’s. I keep my dating/love life separate from him I could do this until he turned 18 if I had to because when you’re a parent you make sacrifices and after all the ones I have made one more won’t kill me. I don’t live my life for only me and that is for the rest of my life… I don’t mind this life style I don’t mind this chaos! (:
